To the Professor Who Changed My Life

⚠ Genuinely offensive · No refunds on friendships · You will get disinvited from Thanksgiving · HR has been notified · 18+ only · ⚠ Genuinely offensive · No refunds on friendships · You will get disinvited from Thanksgiving · HR has been notified · 18+ only ·

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Tap the card to open it

Thanks for not making me sleep with you for a letter of recommendation. Half your department couldn’t say the same. The other half is suddenly “on sabbatical.”

hrviolationcards.com · no. 002

Shipping and handling included. Plain unmarked envelope, like contraband.

Card no. 002 · School & Academia

Who actually buys this card

Grad students on defense day
The advisee holding a clean letter of recommendation
Anyone who survived office hours with their dignity intact

If any of those are you, this is your card. Blank inside the back cover so you can make it worse in your own handwriting. Every inside is stamped hrviolationcards.com, so the recipient knows exactly where to send the invoice for their therapy.

Pick your poison

Same sweet front. Three different knives.

The front stays innocent; that’s what lines up the punch. Choose which inside does the damage.

The original

Thanks for not making me sleep with you for a letter of recommendation. Half your department couldn’t say the same. The other half is suddenly “on sabbatical.”

hrviolationcards.com · no. 002

$19.99 Order the original

Take two

Four years, two degrees, and not one “my door is always closed” moment. Your colleagues call you naive. I call you a reference for life.

hrviolationcards.com · no. 002

$19.99 Order take two

Take three

Thanks for holding office hours with the door open, the lights on, and the topic academic. In today’s faculty market, that’s sainthood with tenure.

hrviolationcards.com · no. 002

$19.99 Order take three

Satire disclaimer, please actually read this

These cards are satire, and extreme satire at that. They are jokes, written to be as outrageous as possible, and they are not statements of fact about any person, boss, professor, teacher, coworker, clergy member, or company. Nothing on a card describes a real event, and no card is directed at any real individual.

To be completely clear: workplace harassment, abuse of power, and quid pro quo demands are real problems and we do not endorse, encourage, or make light of actual misconduct. The joke is the absurdity of saying the unsayable in a glitter-adjacent greeting card, not the misconduct itself.

Cards contain adult language and themes. Intended for buyers 18 and older who know their audience. If you hand one of these to someone with no sense of humor, HR, or your grandmother, that outcome is entirely on you.